Used to Be a Tomboy
by beeftony
Summary: They say the truth will set you free. But what if lying is the only way to keep what you have? Is liberation truly indiscriminate? Or does Fate make exceptions? Complete.
1. Squash

_Kim Possible is owned by Disney. I own this work of fiction. I make no profit from this._

**Used to Be a Tomboy**  
A_ Kim Possible_ fanfiction  
by Jonathan Harrison  
aka beeftony

**Chapter 1**  
Squash

My Daddy always told me that everything happens for a reason. Nothin', no matter how small, is ever left up to chance. God works in mysterious ways, an' we mortals shouldn't question our circumstances, because in the end, it'll all work out for the better.

Ever since I was a little kid growin' up on a ranch in Montana, I always pictured Fate as those three sisters you read about in Greek Mythology. Those ugly, glaring faces that decide our destinies just days after we're born. But lately, I've been seein' Fate differently. Whenever I close my eyes and try to picture the force that's brought me to where I am now, all I see is a guy in tights with bells on each end of his hat.

Yeah, I wasn't expectin' to see a court jester either. What's weird is that he's got a face that reminds me of someone I used to idolize. I guess it's fittin'. He always was a buffoon.

Buffoon…. The woman in my arms knew him too. That's what she used to call him, in fact. I don't think she knew me. We only really met once. I was on the sidelines back then. She probably doesn't even remember that. She doesn't remember who I am.

That's what makes this so easy, an' yet so hard at the same time. It's easy to get close to her because she doesn't know who I'm related to, but inside I feel guilty for holdin' back something so big.

If I had my way, I'd never tell her. But I was raised to tell the truth.

Then again, why should I care how I was raised? Here I am, naked, lyin' next to a woman who used to try an' kill my cousin on a regular basis. It ain't just innocent survival snugglin' either; we were inside each other just a few hours ago, before she fell asleep. I wish I could join her.

Growin' up, I never thought 'a myself as a girl. I was always out getting down an' dirty with the boys. Wrestlin', herdin' cattle, liftin' hay, I did it all. I was the ultimate tomboy. After a while I just started thinkin' I was one of 'em. I was a boy.

An' no, I _don't _mean that I'm a guy trapped in a girl's body. I'm perfectly happy bein' female. But I sure as hell ain't feminine.

I'm attracted to it, though. Not the girly-girls, but the tough chicks who still manage to stay sexy. I blame that on my cousin. If it weren't for her I doubt I'd be here, wrapped in the arms of a woman I've known about for years, but never really met until tonight.

Yeah, I know that "I like boys, sometimes" isn't a surefire indicator that someone plays for the other team, but I still have her to thank for givin' me the guts to come out an' admit that I like pussy. Some people can inspire you just by existing, an' damn if she ain't one of 'em.

I have to tell her. I'll die if I don't. But there's a chance she'll kill me if I do.

I've never been one to keep a secret. All my life I've been called a blabbermouth. But somethin' about this woman has my lips sealed shut. I haven't even told her my name.

"Shego." The sweet syllables stick to my tongue like honey, lingering just enough to keep me wantin' more. Just sayin' her name is enough to bring me close to the edge. I need more.

"Hmmn?"

"You up?"

She groans, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with a mint-colored hand. "I am _now_," she snaps at me.

We separate, cool air filling the vacuum left in the space our bodies occupied just moments ago. I shiver.

"So what's up, Squash? You ready for another round?"

"Squash?"

"Well you haven't told me your name yet, and your hair kinda reminds me of a Thanksgiving centerpiece, so for now, your name is Squash."

I think I just realized why she used to call my cousin "Pumpkin" all the time. How can she not have realized it yet?

"Uh…" is my brilliant reply.

"Take as long as you need, Squash."

I lid my eyes and move my head from side to side. "Not yet, Shego. There's somethin' I need you to know first."

"Can it wait?" she asks so smoothly that I don't even realize what's happening until I feel her lips capture mine.

Oh God, this feels so _right_! I can feel sparks playin' symphonies across my bare skin as she traps me in her arms, drawing us together.

I need her. My whole body screams an' itches an' burns an' longs for the touch of her skin on mine. I push my tongue past her welcoming lips, trilling it hard against her the roof of her mouth like those Mexicans that owned the ranch next to ours taught me to do. I know, right now, she's feelin' like she just swallowed a rattlesnake. That's what I thought too.

We sit up as our passion grows to new heights and I moan into her mouth as the last of my control slips away like air through a butterfly net. Her clawed fingers arrest my naked back, paralyzing me with sharp, deliberate strokes up and down my sensitive spine.

I feel like I know everything about her even though we haven't exchanged more than a few sentences and half a dinner conversation. Like I dove way down into the depths her heart and lived to tell about it. I'm closer to her than anyone else has ever been, or will be. I've opened the window to her very soul.

An' she doesn't even know my name.

No! I can't do this to her! She has to know the truth!

I try to push away, but she wraps herself around me so that I'm trapped between her legs. She begins to grind against me.

Oh, SHIT! That feels good!

I whimper feebly into her mouth, beggin' her to let me go so that I can tell her what a big mistake she's makin'. Instead she tightens to the seal between our lips and continues to crash against my shore, pleading desperately to be allowed inside.

My resistance crumbles. I can feel the wetness growin' down there as easily as I can feel my own mouth water. I want her. Bad.

We touch; an' for a moment I feel nothin' but bliss. I soar into the heavens before plummeting back to earth, eagerly anticipating her return.

My entire body screams for air and I shove her away, gaspin' like a trout.

"Shego…" I breathe as she removes herself from my nude, sweaty form. Her hands go to my knees, an' she spreads me all the way wide while stickin' her big green butt high in the air. I doubt she's goin' for finesse. She certainly wasn't last night.

If I'm a rattlesnake, this woman is a puma. She lunges at me like the prey I've become, entering me with little effort. She can feast on me anytime.

"Oh_ g-g-gawd_…" I stutter as her long, sharp tongue fills me in ways a straight girl couldn't even begin to understand. I writhe and moan under her touch, yelping whenever she hits that—_OH!—_spot.

I'm. In. Heaven.

It could still be better, though. Grab her hair! Pull her deeper inside you! Take me, Shego! Take it all!

"Ah… ah… AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Oh sweet mother of _GOD_, I've gone blind! She's touchin' me, teasin' me, tantalizin' me an' makin' me scream her name. I want her. I need her. I _MUST_ have her!

"Ah… SHEGO!"

I explode, unable to stand it anymore. Her tongue dances over my nerves even as the last of my innocence washes away in a sea of fluid. I feel myself drain away as well. I need someone to hold me. I need _her_ to hold me.

"Sh-Shego…."

It's funny how many meanings a name can have. It can be a shout of joy or a simple hello. A gentle purr or a sharp hiss. A victory cry or a desperate plea. Right now, it's the only thing in the world I can manage to say.

"Shego…."

She embraces me, an' I bury myself in her shoulder, tryin' to make her my world. All I smell is the sweat that's pooled on her skin. All I hear is the sound of her voice, tellin' me I'll be alright. All I taste is my own tears. An' all I feel is her warmth, drawin' me closer to her, makin' us one.

A few deep breaths manage to fill me again, though I think the woman in my arms is really to thank for bringin' me back from the edge of the abyss. In her, I find comfort. Warmth. Somethin' stronger than anything I've ever felt for a person. Somethin' I can't describe. Certainly not somethin' I ever thought I'd be associatin' with the most dangerous woman in the world.

Maybe I shouldn't tell her. That would mean givin' this up, an' I'm not ready to do that just yet. Why did I want to in the first place?

"Now what did you wanna tell me earlier?" she whispers, sendin' soft wisps of hot air into the darkest chambers of my ear.

I quiver, allowin' desire to overtake me. I can wait to tell her. At least until after I've had a chance to pay her back for this miracle she's visited upon me.

"Nothin'…" I breathe. "Nothin' at all."


	2. Not in Kansas Anymore

**Chapter 2**  
Not in Kansas Anymore

I still haven't told her.

I've never been a procrastinator. My chores always started the minute I woke up, an' didn't end until I hit the sheets. Still do, in fact. 'Cept for this mornin'.

There's just somethin' so incredibly romantic about watchin' the person who just took your virginity sleep. Okay, maybe it's a lil' creepy too. I just can't take my eyes off her, y'know?

She stirs, an' I hold my breath. Her eyes peel open an' meet mine. She smiles.

"Mornin', Squash."

I just smile wider.

"What'cha doin'?"

"Watchin' you sleep."

She snorts. "Okay, _that_ doesn't make you sound like a stalker at all."

"Please, I thought the whole point a' bein' a Lesbian was so you wouldn't have to worry about stalkers."

Her brow wrinkles. "Eh?"

"Women don't stalk," I explain, tryin' to sound sexy about it an' doin' a halfway decent job, "We prowl."

"I'm still being hunted, though."

"So? I doubt you bed every stalker you meet."

"Actually, some nights I've pondered doing it with every random creep who hits on me just so I could play Succubus."

I raise my eyebrow.

"My plasma doesn't just exit through my hands. It can go anywhere on my body."

"Still not gettin' it."

I hear a loud _FWOOSH!_ an' look down at her now glowing vagina.

"Ah."

"Anyway," she says, extinguishing the flame. "I hope you understand that what happened last night, didn't really mean anything."

I should have expected that. In fact I_ did_ expect that. She's never been the committin' type. I figure the only real reason she wanted to be a villain was so she wouldn't have to listen to anybody's rules but her own. Everything about her told me that she was gonna say that no matter how much I rocked her world.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much.

All I can do is sigh. "Shego, I need to tell you something." I always seem to lose my accent when I'm bein' serious.

She licks her lips. "Can it wait?"

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "No it can't. Shego, we've had sex over a dozen times in one night an' you still don't know my name."

"Don't need to," she says as she rolls over three feet to stand at the spot where she left her clothes. "I try not to get too attached to my one night stands."

"Is that all I am to you?" I ask, suddenly offended. "A notch on your bedpost?"

"Not really," she replies, pulling up her panties. "We used your bed."

I huff an' look away. "Fine. Wasn't that great anyway."

She scoffs, causin' me to look at her again. "Liar."

"Alright, so it was amazing." I look down and sigh.

Her laugh draws my attention yet again. "Look, Squash, we're both adults here." She tilts her head. "How old _are_ you, anyway?"

"Twenty-one last month."

"Good, no legal problems. Anyway, I hope you can understand that all I was looking for last night was a good time. Haven't had any good female action in a while, and you fit the bill."

"Wait, you sleep with men too?"

"Doy, country girl. It's called bisexuality. You should try it sometime."

My face is burnin' all of a sudden. "Sorry," I say quietly, lookin' down. "Guess I grew up around too many sweat hogs to find guys attractive."

"Don't worry; in a town like this, you'll find a hot guy in no time."

"Not if I'm only lookin' at you."

"Okay, you have _got_ to stop being so creepy," she says, leveling a finger in my direction before bendin' down to pick up her purse. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get out of here before you grow any more attached to me. I find relationships to be a bad side-effect of cuddling." She heads for the door.

"Shego, wait!"

She stops, but doesn't face me, peerin' over her shoulder instead. "What is it?"

"My name's Joss."

She turns around. "Nice to meet you, Joss. See ya' around." She spins on her heels and starts walking away again.

"Joss Possible."

She freezes. But she doesn't turn around like last time. Then she walks out the door.

Crap.**  
**

* * *

Like most great love stories, it started out with a drink. More specifically, an offer to buy one. 

I'd never been to a Gay an' Lesbian bar before, but after movin' all the way down to San Fransisco, I figured I should at least embrace the lifestyle I'd chosen fer myself. It wasn't like I'd never gotten drunk before.

Still didn't change the fact that I was incredibly nervous. One of the most tellin' things about a person is where they hang out. Like it or not, everywhere you go makes a statement about you. After so many years of hidin' who I was, I was finally comin' out. Figger'ed I'd just answer everybody's questions before they even started askin'.

Oh, and I'd heard the music here was great.

Noddin' my head to the beat, I walked over to the bar an' plopped my fine country ass—as my bedmate would describe it later that night—down in the first available seat.

_The best thing about bein' a woman  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)_

Shania Twain. I knew this was a country bar, but damn!

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction_

Of all the songs…. Regardless, I started singin' along. I always did like this song.

"Color my hair, do what I dare…. Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel…. Man!"

"…I feel like a woman!"

If bug-eyes were physically possible, I'm sure mine woulda popped right outta their sockets. My face was still burnin' from all the blood that rushed up there, though. I whipped my head around an' saw her standin' there, smilin' like the devil.

I felt like I'd seen her somewhere before, but my growin' embarrassment prevented me from thinkin' clearly enough to place her pale green skin an' long black hair. Her voice was familiar too. I felt like I'd met her somewhere before. But in my panic I was still drawin' blanks.

"Great song, huh?"

I managed to unlock my teeth long enough to reply; "Uh… yeah."

"You've got a pretty nice voice there."

"Thanks," I said, runnin' a hand through my hair.

She didn't reply at first, movin' to claim the seat beside me before callin' the bartender over.

"Two martinis on me, Sally." She turned to face me. "You like martinis, right?"

"I'm more partial to beer, but I'm not gonna complain if it's free."

She shrugged. "So why not a karaoke bar? With a voice like that I'm sure you could score at least a few more rounds."

"Are there any karaoke bars you know of that cater exclusively to queers?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You _are_ aware of what town you're in, right?"

I laughed. "Would _you_ go to any of 'em?"

"Hell no. My boss ruined karaoke for me."

With that crack, I suddenly remembered who she was. I wanted to slap myself upside the head for takin' so long to recognize her. It wasn't exactly like she blended into a crowd.

"Shego, right?" I inquired as our drinks arrived.

"The one and only," she said before taking a sip of her lime-green martini.

I wanted to squeal. Out of all my cousin's foes, Shego was always my favorite. She had the most interestin' backstory, an' she never really seemed all that evil to me. On top a' that, she's smokin' hot. Since she got her pardon after the Lorwardian invasion seven years ago, sightings of her had been scarce. There were rumors that she'd been livin' off of all the money she'd gotten from her criminal career, hoppin' from one island to the next to escape the paparazzi. I was sittin' next to a ghost.

"What brings you to town?"

"Visiting an old friend. You?"

"Gettin' my engineerin' degree at Berkeley."

She whistled. "I take it you're smarter than your accent suggests."

"My daddy builds robots to help out on the farm."

A nod and a sip was her reply. "You know how I can tell you're bein' honest?"

I shook my head.

"Look around," she said, gesturin' with her finger. "Everyone here either went to a leather shop or rented a costume. You come in here wearing tight jeans and a blue shirt, without so much as a cowboy hat or boots to make you fit in with the theme of this place."

I stared at her blankly. "So?"

"So you've been around enough cowboy culture to realize that it's not the Old West here. You just wore whatever you felt like instead of trying to blend in."

"Seems like you did too," I remarked, eyein' her black skirt an' candy green top. "Is that why you're sittin' next to me instead of those other chicks? 'Cause I'm authentic?"

"That, and you've got a nice rack."

I could feel my face melting with all the blood rushing into it from that last remark. Sure, I'd filled out a bit, but I'd never had anyone compliment me quite like that.

"Er… thanks."

"Don't sweat it." She looked around. "Hey, you wanna get outta here?"

My heart skipped a beat. Hell yes I wanted to get outta there!

"Uh… sure," I said as smoothly as I could before takin' another sip of my drink.

The rest of that night is really a blur, more due to adrenaline than alcohol. I do remember thinkin' over and over about how this was goin' too fast; how I should stop before I did somethin' I couldn't go back on. But I couldn't work up the nerve.

Everything happens for a reason. But what happens when Fate throws you for a loop? All you can do then is hang on an' enjoy the ride, 'cause nothin'll ever be the same again.

* * *

I can't remember how long I was in bed this mornin'. All I know is that a few minutes ago I realized that I needed some air, so I came out here to the kitchen. I don't have much in the way of neighbors, so I shouldn't have had to put anything on, but then again ya never know when some Peepin' Tom is gonna show up. I'd at least prefer to be decent when I kick his ass. 

While I doubt a wife-beater an' a pair a' panties is the sexiest ensemble in the world, I have to admit it sure is comfortable. Plus it shows off my legs, which I'm fairly proud of. They wouldn't get me into any magazines, but if I ever decided to become a comic book superhero, I wouldn't have to do much work.

Speakin' a' which, my cousin Kim's in the paper again. Not for savin' the world or stoppin' some villain either. But it is front page news.

"Doctor Kimberly Ann Possible announced Saturday her engagement to Ronald Adrian Stoppable, her partner of eight years," I read aloud. "The weddin' will be held June seventh, 2014."

It's about time. I dunno why in the hell she stuck with that buffoon all these years. She got a freakin' medical doctorate a year early while he still hasn't graduated college. But for some reason she loves him. Maybe it's 'cause they balance each other out. At any rate, I should call her to RSVP. Shoulda done that when I received the invitation last night, in fact. Then again, I was a little preoccupied.

I walk over to the phone, sashayin' my hips for no other reason than to feel sexy. After a few moments, I wince. Must be more raw than I thought.

Sittin' down carefully on the couch, I dial the number. After a few moments, I hear a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Ron? That you?"

"Um… maybe?"

"Paranoid as ever, I see. Kim there?"

"Uh… no! No, not at all! No one's here! Leave your message after the beep!"

"_Ron_…."

"Beep!"

"That's it, I'm comin' over there!"

"No! Don't do that! You don't have to come! It's not safe!"

"What's not safe? What is with you?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! Everything's fine!"

"But you just said it wasn't safe."

"Did I say that? No, I meant that… uh… we just… got a new safe! And uh… you don't have to come over, because… everything's fine!"

"Put Kim on the phone."

"Kim's not here."

"RON!"

"Yes ma'am."

I roll my eyes and sigh. Idiot.

After a moment I hear my cousin's voice. "Hello?"

"What the hell is with your fiancé?"

"Oh, he's just being Ron. How are you?"

"Confused mostly, but otherwise okay. How 'bout you?"

"Same. So why are you calling?"

"I saw the paper."

"And?"

"An' I figured I'd RSVP."

"Um… that's great! See you there!"

Sounds like she's about to hang up. I'm not ready to be left alone just yet.

"Hold on a minute!"

"What?"

I sigh. "I'm not fine," I confess. "Somethin' happened last night; somethin' big. An'… I need someone to talk to about it."

"You know I'm always here for you, Joss. Especially now that we're both in the same area."

"D'ya think I could come over later? That is, if Ron hasn't moved you both into a bunker by then."

She laughs. "I think he's calmed down now. Come on over whenever you're ready."

I smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

I hang up an' lean back on the couch. I look at the clock. Eight thirty. Still a few more hours until I have to go to class.

I roll over an' head for my bedroom to put somethin' on. Maybe shower too. For some reason I feel dirty all over.

* * *

I knock three times on the door to her apartment. I'm preparin' for a fourth when the door swings open. 

"Joss, hey!" Kim says before leanin' forward to hug me. "How are you?"

"Not so good. I need someone to talk to."

"Well, I'm always here. Why don't you come in?"

"Sure," I agree before steppin' over the threshold.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Ya got beer?"

"Not really."

"Then no."

We laugh an' walk over to sit on her couch. "So what was Ron freakin' out about earlier?" I decide to ask.

She looks away. "Oh, we just had an unexpected visitor. It's nothing."

"I… kinda had an unexpected visitor too," I admit.

"Really? Who?"

"Well, you're not gonna believe this, but—"

The sound of the door openin' interrupts me. We both turn to look.

Oh, this can't be happenin'. It's not possible.

"Hey Kimmie, did I leave my keys here?" the intruder asks, lookin' down at the table by the door. "I can't seem to find…" she trails off as she looks up as our eyes meet.

"Shego?" I gasp.

She smiles. "Hey, Squash."


	3. Devil on the Doorstep

**Chapter 3**  
Devil on the Doorstep

"What the HELL are YOU doin' here?!" I all but scream.

She shrugs. "Hey, I told you I was visiting an old friend."

"Since when is _she_ a 'friend?!'" I holler, pointin' at Kim.

Another shrug. This time with a smirk. "Hey, you never asked who I was here to see. I probably woulda told ya too."

"I… you…." Okay, calm down. Runnin' across the room an' beatin' her senseless won't solve a damn thing. It'll probably just make Kim ask even _more_ questions. Speakin a' which….

"What the hell is this all about?"

Right on cue. Shoulda known better than to open my big mouth in front a' the world's biggest busybody. Only reason she's such a good detective is 'cause she's always in everybody's business. Ain't her fault, though. Some people just can't help but feel like they gotta take responsibility for e'erything. Kim's always been like Atlas, takin' the weight o' the world on her shoulders.

Just once, I wish _she'd_ shrug.

I sigh. "_This_ was my unexpected guest," I tell her.

Shego scoffs. "'This?' I am not a 'this!'"

"Sorry,_ she_ was my unexpected guest."

"Better."

Kim stands and shakes her head. "Wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"I met your little…." She looks at me an' scrunches her face.

"Cousin," I tell her.

"…cousin here at a bar last night. Since I don't exactly have a place to stay while I'm here in town, she was kind enough to offer me her bed for the night."

Oh, this _can't_ be happenin'!

She looks at me. "Is that true, Joss?"

Have ya ever blushed so hard you wonder why yer still able to stand if all the blood in your body is now in your face? Seriously, why haven't I collapsed yet?

"Uh… maybe?"

She stares. "But… you… heh… you _obviously_ weren't in bed _with_ her…" she says, her face growin' more an' more worried with each syllable. "Right?"

I look away. "Well…."

"Oh, for the love of…. We _did_ it, okay?"

Okay, really; how am I even _conscious_ right now?

"SHEGO!"

"What? She's gonna find out anyway. You know her Nerdlinger has the whole freakin' world wired."

"So not _helping_…."

Another damn shrug. "Eh. Not tryin' to."

"Oh God, this _cannot_ be happening…."

We both turn to look at Kim, who's close to hysterics at this point.

"Maybe you should lie down, Kimmie," Shego suggests.

"Yeah, give Shego an' I a chance to discuss this in private."

"I think you're right…" she says dully, stumblin' towards her bedroom an' holdin' the sides of her head. "My cousin… and my former archnemesis… together! It's… I…. Oh God!"

She's still ramblin' by the time she reaches the end a' the hall, but at least she's out of earshot now.

"I think we broke her," Shego says.

"_You _shut up!" I whisper harshly. "Why the hell didn't you just _tell_ me you were in town to see Kim? We coulda come over here together!"

"I already told you why: you didn't ask. And to be fair, you didn't even tell me your _name_ until I was about to leave."

"I… you…. Alright, you got a point!" I growl, crossin' my arms. "But how was I supposed t'know you two were on speakin' terms?"

"We weren't until this morning. She's just incredibly accepting."

I raise an eyebrow.

Shego waves it off. "She just needs time to adjust. Besides, if you think_ she's_ freaking out, you should see Stoppable."

"Already talked to 'im, thank you."

She grins mischievously. "Think we should tell _him_ the news?"

"Naw, I don't wanna kill 'im just yet. 'Sides, Kim'll prolly tell 'im anyway."

"Is it just me or do you sound like even more of a hick when you're upset?"

Don't respond to that. Just glare at her until her face melts.

She laughs an' throws her hands up. "Fine, don't answer that."

I sigh an' slump my shoulders. "Why'd you walk out on me this mornin'?"

"I was running late coming here," she answers.

"No, I mean why'd you tell me last night didn't mean anything?"

Her eyes seem to harden just a little bit. "Because it didn't. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and all, but don't go thinkin' you're gonna be taking me as your date to Kimmie's wedding. I just stopped by to wish the happy couple well and now I'll be on my way." She looks around. "As soon as I find my keys."

"If I help ya find 'em, will you at least stick around long enough to let Kim ask all her questions? You an' I both know she'll go insane unless she knows exactly what went down."

She grins. "Don'tcha mean _who_ went down?"

…I think my head just exploded.

"Uh, I, er, um…" I stammer, tryin' to remember how to speak.

"Hey, whose keys are these?"

We both turn to look at Ron, who just came in.

"Thanks, buffoon!" Shego says before zoomin' across the floor an' grabbin' the keys out of his hand.

"Hey, wait!" I try an' chase after her, but she's already at the door before I can even untangle myself from Ron, who I seem to've tackled.

"See ya 'round, Squash!" She throws me a wink before disappearin' behind the door.

"Ugh, get OFF 'a me, you idiot!" I yell, shovin' Ron to the side. I scramble to my feet. "Shego, wait!"

"Joss, she's gone."

I whirl around to face the blond-haired moron that my cousin for some reason wants to marry. "No she ain't! She left five seconds ago!"

"More than enough time for her to escape, trust me. I've seen her get away enough times to know that once she's out of your sight, you won't be seeing her again for a while. Not unless she wants you to."

"I don't care if she got away from _yer_ slow ass. I'm goin' after her!" I turn back towards the door.

"She got away from Kim too."

I stop again an' sigh. "You sure she's gone?"

"Well now that you've wasted the last minute or so talking to me, definitely," he says.

I growl, turnin' around so he can see my teeth.

"Heh heh…" he chuckles as he raises his arms in a 'surrender' position. I relax a bit, but I keep my arms crossed while I glare at 'im.

"What was that all about, anyway?"

Consequences be damned; I'm tellin' 'im.

"We slept together. Ya got a problem with that?"

He stares for several long moments. His eyes grow wide, his jaw expands to epic proportions, an' he starts stutterin'. He's panickin', alright.

"I… you… Sh-Shego..." he gibbers like he just saw a mushroom cloud. "S-sick… sick and wrong! Sick and wrong!"

I decide to stop 'im there before he starts rippin' off his clothes. "RON!" I yell. "Get a hold 'a yerself! Think about it: what's sexier than one hot girl?"

"That's easy," he answers. "Two."

I raise my eyebrow at him. His eyes go wide with revelation.

"Ohhhhh," he says, awestruck. "Maybe it's not so bad after all…." He tilts his head to the side an' his eyes travel to one corner as he drifts off into fantasy.

"Ron!" I shout, snappin' my fingers at 'im. "No daydreamin' while I'm here! Save it fer later!"

He frowns an' slumps his shoulders. "Aw man…."

"Now since yer not freakin' out about this anymore maybe we can talk about it."

"Can't you talk to Kim?" he whines. "She's better at this."

"She hasn't accepted it yet. You have."

"But I'm a guy! It's easy for me to accept! It doesn't mean I'm good at talking!"

"Tough. I'm gonna talk, an' yer gonna listen."

"Aw man…"

"_Ron_…."

He sighs. "Fine. What'd you wanna talk about?"

"Pretty much the whole Shego leavin' thing."

"Alright. Why don't you sit down?"

"I'll stand."

"Um… okay." He starts rubbin' the back of his neck.

We stare at each other for a while. Finally he says; "So… I take it her leaving wasn't a good thing."

I sigh. "I just don't get why she can't stick around any longer than it takes her to get what she wants."

He steps forward an' places an arm on my shoulder. "Look," he says in a more serious tone. "Shego's like a cat that you find on the street. She's perfectly capable of fending for herself, but you think she's so cute that you wanna take her home and nurture her anyway. Then again she has claws so you're probably better off leaving her alone, what with that nasty temper of hers…."

"Uh, Ron?"

"What?"

"Where are you goin' with this?"

"I'm getting to the point! Just let me finish."

I sit down. "Okay."

He exhales, then continues: "Okay, so like I was saying, you're trying to tame what by now is basically a wild animal after so many years on her own. But she's so cute that you just don't care. Anyway, you buy her food, a little bed, maybe even some toys for her to play with. And things go great for that first day. You and your new kitty have a blast. But eventually it's time to go to bed."

He pauses long enough to sit beside me. "The next morning, you can't find your new kitty anywhere. That little pet bed you bought yesterday is empty. She's not by her food dish. And her toys are just lying around. So you figure she must have run away in the middle of the night."

"I think I'm startin' to see where yer goin' with this."

"Really? Where?"

"Yer sayin' that even though I gave Shego everything I had to offer, she's so selfish that she'll just up an' ditch me without so much as a 'thank you.'"

Ron shakes his head. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all."

"Then what _are_ you sayin'?"

"Let me finish the story first."

I lean further back into the couch. "Fine," I huff.

"So initially you're devastated that your kitty ran away. You only knew the thing for a day, but you feel like you connected to her on some level that you're not willing to let go of yet. So you go out looking for the kitty. You post fliers, you ask your neighbors if they've seen the cat, and you wait around for her to show up, but she doesn't come back. At that point you're just about ready to give up."

He shifts his body so he can face me better. "Then one night, the cat comes back. You're overjoyed, but at the same time you're nervous because you know she's just gonna try and run away again. You wanna keep her locked inside, so she'll be yours forever. So you shut all the windows and lock all the doors. You put her bed in your room, so you can watch her the whole night. And it goes great at first. But you start to feel like there's something missing. Having the cat isn't as much fun as it used to be."

"Why not?"

"Because eventually you realize that what attracted you to the cat was its independence. The fact that it's completely free to do whatever it want is what makes it special. It's a trait you wish you could have. But by keeping the poor thing in the house, you take away that freedom. And suddenly the cat loses its appeal. Now it's just another animal."

"So you're sayin' I should just let Shego come an' go as she pleases?"

"If you ever wanna have a serious relationship with her, yeah. One of the best things about women like that is that they're so unpredictable. It's the reason I fell in love with Kim. And it's the same reason you feel such a strong connection to Shego. Because you're the exact same way."

I blink. "Y'know, you can be pretty insightful when you wanna be."

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, don't tell Kim I told you any of that. She seems to like me better when I act like a total idiot."

"Why?"

"I dunno, really. Could be she just doesn't like competition. Or that it messes with the way she sees me and forces her to change her perceptions. Either way, she doesn't like it when I come across as smart."

"That why ya always act like such a goof? So she doesn't feel threatened?"

"Well, that, and it's just my personality. I've just learned that Kim_ really_ doesn't like it when I try and show other sides of myself."

I laugh. "Yer secret's safe with me, Ron."

"Good to hear," he says, wipin' his brow. He leans closer to me an' whispers; "So what was it like? Are her nipples really green?"

I raise a critical eyebrow at 'im before bustin' out laughin'.

"Oh come on! I won't tell anybody! I just wanna know what she was like!"

"You do, do you?"

I don't think I've ever seen anybody stand up so quick. "K-Kim!" he stammers, turnin' around to face her. "How long have you been standing there with your arms crossed looking like you're gonna kill me?"

She waves it off. "Relax, that was on my list of questions too."

"Really?"

"No."

"No? Oh… ah… heh heh…."

"Ron, sit down."

"Yes ma'am." He plants himself back on the couch, hands clasped together on his lap.

Kim steps closer, arms crossed. "Ron," she begins, "when you told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, I thought that meant you'd stop…" she gestures, "this."

"Stop what?"

"Being such an idiot, for starters."

"But Kim, you said you like it when I'm an idiot!"

She shakes her head. "I didn't say that. I like you when you're a goof, yes. I like it that you still have strong connections to your childhood. But I _do not_ like it when you act like a total moron and ask _my cousin_ what it was like to have _sex_ with a woman who used to try and _kill us_!"

He looks down, ashamed. "I'm sorry."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, give 'im a break, willya? You _know_ he can't tell when yer givin' 'im a hard time."

"That's what makes it so fun, though!" Kim protests with a pout.

"Yeah, but yer gonna make 'im cry if you don't stop."

"Fine," she groans. "Ron," she says liftin' up his chin. "Look at me."

"What?"

She smiles. "Ron, I'm not mad at you. I'd just like you to watch what you say around people."

"Okay."

I smirk. She has no idea how much he watches what he says, especially 'round her.

She turns to me. "So Joss, did you still wanna talk?"

I shrug. "Maybe later. I gotta get to class. 'Sides, you two look like ya need some alone time anyway," I finish with a wink.

Kim turns redder th'n a sunburned Irishman. "Joss!" she screeches. "What are you—?"

"Nothin'," I reply with a smirk. "Later!" I head fer the door.

"Hey, get back here! Tell me what you—"

_CLICK._

**The End**

* * *

_And now for the only author's note in the whole fic!_

_Sorry to end it like that, but I feel like I've gotten everything I can from this style. I have a much bigger story to tell, one that doesn't only focus on Joss. I hope you enjoyed this short little introductory adventure, and I encourage everyone to review._

_See you next time!_

**beeftony**


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